Conscientious Evolution

For the last several months, ever since I set up this blog, I have struggled; struggled to gain clarity, focus, direction and most importantly the desire to write about something that matters. Its been an interesting journey, the last few months, attaining insights and valuable working knowledge about various faculties, emotionality and intellect that have very much to do with the willingness to allow oneself to embrace the opportunity that presents itself.
Enough of the vague brain-droppings. I speak exclusively of the struggle to find the point to start this blog and the direction that will follow from there on. After much philandering and careless consideration, I have been lead here to start from a confession. The fact that a decision as simple as what to write can be plagued by procastination, given that we allow ourselves to give into the uncertainty that haunts most tasks which lack instant gratification or a higher need or requirement to accomplish them, leads me to believe that the uncertainty, the unwillingness or the delay has more to do with our failure to allow ourselves than it does with our inability.
I confess that I have held myself back, for lack of a better reason, mostly due to incoherence about the purpose that this platform can and will serve in my life. But today I have realized that it can be what I make of it. It has the potential and capacity to serve as a mere sounding board or an online journal where I can channel all my thoughts regarding the everyday workings of my life or as I view the world around me. So here I am, embarking on a new adventure, that will, in all hopefulness, enrich me and anyone who cares to or does in fact, read the everyday misgivings of a simpleton simply bent on evolving, understanding, embracing, contemplating, examining, ascertaining life and all things around him.
This new found euphemism and energy can be looked upon as a conscious striving to break out of the paradox of normalcy and redundancy that the day to day life seems to surround one with. We are all constantly reminded of the need to “be as is needed” and do “what is necessary” to “fit in”. But sadly, not many people or things force us to question, examine or elaborate on the simplistic and rudimentary functions of life. We, or perhaps I shall limit this generalization to just myself, so I, are trapped in a chasm that envelopes our ability to grow internally. I find my energies being sucked up by far too many things outside of me leaving nothing to be invested into my emotionality and cerebral existence. Frankly, I find it draining and am very unfulfilled. So, as a means of retort, I force myself to look in the metaphysical mirror of my existence and ask myself the grand questions; I surround myself with the people who have similar yearnings; I relate myself to book, movies, music, television that ultimately, on some level atleast, asks a bigger question that simply “Why” or “How” or “What”. This exigent urge to force myself is what I call as “Conscientious Evolution”.
With this intrinsic and hopefully, humbling, quest is a departure from the fears that haunt my methods of self-discipline for I am constantly haunted by the fear of being just another instigator of reflections limited to day to day trivialities. I wish, hope and, with utmost sincerity, desire to go beyond, leaving behind, as much as I possibly can, the burden of arrogance or self-absorbency. All said, I ask; “Are you Evolving?”

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~ by syedqasimuddin on August 20, 2009.